Weekends Count Magazine - Helping you maximize your weekends through travel and DIY experiences.: Working Parents

Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges.

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Your Resilient Child: Parenting that Builds Confidence and Grit

By Patty Wipfler and Tosha Schore, Hand in Hand Parenting

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Even today many of us think that building resilience and grit in our children requires the use of harshness. It’s not that we want to scare them or hurt them or worry them. We just don’t know how else to get from the screaming, tantruming child to the strong, confident one. The truth is that a crying or upset child is not weak or broken. He is brilliant - using his body’s natural ability to heal from upset to regain access to his thinking brain that will guide him well. It’s just that we adults are so uncomfortable with big loud feelings that we get in the way of success!

Children who seem to lack confidence or resilience know how to gain those qualities, but they need our support to make it happen. Setting Limits by offering them expectations, and then stopping to really listen to any feelings that come up around that limit is a great way to escort a scared child towards confidence. We call this willingness to hear how a child is feeling when they are upset “Staylistening.” Because separation is such a common struggle for children of all ages, it is often the perfect place to help a scared child gain confidence.

TACKLING SEPARATION FEARS USING LISTENING TOOLS

The first step in moving towards confident separations is to plan for emotional ones. You’re ready to be an agent of change when you’ve anticipated the upset that is surely coming.

Second, understand that your child’s upsets reflect underlying fear, not a deliberate desire to ruin your plans. Think about where your child’s fears might come from. If your son clings tightly to you at bedtime, consider what earlier separations he might be recalling. Has the daughter who won’t participate in that gymnastics class she wanted so badly had difficulties in groups of children before? You may be able to identify a few of the hard times that could be contributing to your child’s separation fears. But don’t worry if you can’t think of anything. He can shed his fears without either of you knowing their origin.

The third step in helping your child through separation struggles is to address your own fears and worries. As your child shows how threatened he feels, your own feelings can be triggered so that you become unsure of his safety, too! Your worries will be transmitted to him without a word.

Things will go better when you get the support you need to release those feelings. Remember how you felt leaving your crying child to get to work on time? Or how it felt moving your child from a crib to a “big kid” bed? Do you remember longing for your own mom? Your dad? Listening Partnerships work well for identifying and venting feelings from memories like these.

In the throes of a difficult separation, Setting Limits and Staylistening are your go-to tools. You’ll want to let your child know ahead of time that a separation is coming up. He needs to know where you are going, when you’re coming back, and who will stay with him. If he begins crying at this news, Staylisten. He’s using the healing process already.

Here’s a story from our new book Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Challenges that shows you what it can look like. This mom took a broad perspective on her son’s separation issues, chose to set a limit and Staylisten, and watched big new doors open for him.

When my son was in sixth grade, he was still too frightened to go on sleepovers. I didn’t want to push him to do something he wasn’t ready for, but all his friends were sleeping at each other’s houses, and I sensed that my son really wanted to as well. I felt that his fears were holding him back. After sharing my feelings about this issue several times with a Listening Partner, I decided that I was ready to help my son.

I had gone to overnight camp myself when I was young, and I wanted my son to begin going to the same camp. I knew he’d love it, and I’d heard that one of his close friends was also going. I knew that if I set a limit here, I’d need to Staylisten, and this would move him into a more rational and relaxed space. One day, the two of us were home alone and I said to my son, “I’ve decided I’d like you to go to sleepaway camp this summer. The session that fits with our schedule is full, but I put you on the waitlist.” I knew that he would be upset by this proposition, but I didn’t realize just how scared he was! He began trembling. He begged me not to send him. He told me that he couldn’t be away from me for that long—that he would die! At first I was taken aback by the rush of emotion and the intensity of my son’s words. But I quickly realized that this limit was important.

His upset and trembling continued for a good hour. I listened. Then he calmed down and asked, “Do you think I’ll like it?” He was still hesitant, but he had shed enough fear that he could see the possibility that my decision to send him to camp was a good one. We talked for a while, and then moved on to other things. The next day I heard my son say to his brother, “I’m going to sleepaway camp this summer! Well, if there’s space. I’m on the waitlist.” He was proud. And then he turned to me and asked if he could spend the night at a friend’s house that same night. While I remained calm, inside I was bursting with excitement at my son’s newfound freedom. “Absolutely! Why don’t you give him a call and see if tonight works.” Since that day, my son has been sleeping at friends’ houses regularly. And that summer he had the time of his life at camp. His first words off the bus when he got home? “Can I go to Session Three next summer? It’s longer!”

Want to help your child build confidence? Hold out reasonable expectations. Listen to his fears. Get the support you need to address your own worries. You’ll be amazed at how quickly things can change!

You can learn more about the authors and their new book, Listen: Five Simple Tools to
Meet Your Everyday Challenges, on the Hand in Hand Parenting website.

This post contains affiliate links to help you build your shopping list and travel list for your family. We are passionate about the product and the experiences listed in this post, but we also wanted to provide easy links you can click to purchase products for your busy lifestyle.

This week,

Have a great week and plan for the weekend!

About Weekends Count - Weekends Count is a Millennial Family Travel, Fun, Food and Activities blog based in the Dallas-Fort Worth area in Texas. We review hotels, travel and household items, and millennial family experiences!

Authors - Jennifer and Tony Edwards

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Our Top STEM Toy Pick for 2016 - The "I Do 3D Vertical Pen"!

Realistically, professional parents who work outside the home and/or who commute for 30-minutes to an hour to work have a limited amount of time to spend with their children in the evenings. Post of the time, this precious time is filled with dinner prep, after school activities, sports, etc.

This busy situation is true for our small family as well and we emphasize homework or a STEM activity for our preschooler each day. She really enjoys the hands-on activities instead of the workbooks, but she really likes creating items and watching physical changes occur during the science experiments.

Here's Step 1 - Utilize the Design Paper to Create the Martian!

Step 2 - Allow the Solution to Cool (while admiring your creation)!

Step 3 - Make Your Creation a 3D Creature!

Toys like the "I Do 3D Vertical Pen" (the price ranges between $3.39 and $19.99) is one of those affordable, versatile toys for busy families who want to emphasize the science, technology, engineering, or mathematics in 30 minute segments for their children. Our preschooler LOVED creating her own objects and viewing them on the dining room table each day!

Tony, my husband, is a former science teacher and my father is a former science teacher as well. So, science definitely runs in my family. My preschooler also loves science. She will definitely be a STEM Girl and I know that she will carry on the family name in the science field!

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When You Want to Make Someone Else's Day Amazing...Bouchard Chocolates!

We hope you are having a great week!

We received this chocolate from the Bouchard Chocolate company to review for our blog. This chocolate was delicious and would be an amazing work gift, teacher, gift, or simply a thank you gift for someone who has done something amazing!

These chocolates were actually shipped from Belgium! This was a great touch! This chocolate is also sold at your local Costco store!

We cannot wait to give these chocolates to colleagues, family members, and friends! Great for the upcoming holiday season!

Have a great week and plan for the weekend!

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Our 1,000 Books Before Kindergarten Journey - 10 Ways to Read 1,000 Books a Year Before Kindergarten

Reading is fundamental...right? So, we decided to incorporate reading in our every day journey with our little one. For awhile, I would read three to four pages per week for my little one and then I realized that she loved (absolutely) LOVED reading. So, we visited our local Texas Public Library and we discovered then.... 1,000 Books Before Kindergarten program!

So, I forgot to admit that we actually began this journey.... three months ago. Yes, we are truly catching up to this 1,000 book program to make sure that our little one is able to proudly state that she read 1,000 books before kindergarten!

Here are some easy ways to incorporate the 1,000 Books Before Kindergarten program TWELVE months before your little one begins kindergarten in public or private school. In fact, these are great tips for homeschooling moms and dads as well!

1 - Make Reading a Big Deal in Your Household!
Make sure that you have a little reading area for your little one in the living room, your home office, or their bedroom/playroom. These reading nooks are essential for helping your little one feel at ease with reading.

2 - Visit the Local Library for FREE Books to Borrow
Make sure that you visit the local library for your beginning books. Let your child discover the books and categories that they would like to read. After you discover your child's interest, then incorporate these books on a daily basis!

3 - Visit the Local Goodwill Store (or Garage Sales) for Cheap Books
Our local Goodwill store has been essential for our family's preschool book collection. Cheap books are important for your children (just in case your little one wants to read a book each night).

4 - Have a Book Swap with Other Families
Yes, gather your books together and swap these books with other families via a Facebook book exchange or via your local playgroup or church. Through the book swap method, your little one can read more books in less time. Plus, this method will save you money!

5 - Visit Your Local Book Store (or Library) for their FREE Story Time Activities
You can usually discover these activities through their local website for Facebook page. Visit Barnes and Noble (and your local library page for more updates). Here's our local BN's page for Fabulous Friday Storytime (Fridays at 11am): http://stores.barnesandnoble.com/store/2207

6 - Gather Around the Computer for an Online Storytime from Barnes and Noble
This is such a great resource for families who do not live near a local bookstore or who do not want to travel outside of the house with their entire families (which can sometimes be a hassle). These online story time links are also great for rainy days or snow days! Here's the link for the Barnes and Noble Nook - Online Storytime

7 - Order Books from Amazon's Warehouse Deals Category
We order books from Amazon Warehouse Deals on a frequent basis. These are books that are slightly damaged or used, but are in great condition for our preschooler! Here's our affiliate link for the Amazon Warehouse Deals store. Usually, books in this store are 50% to 70% off!

8 - Encourage Relatives to Give Books Instead of Toys
Our little one loves her toys and her grandparents definitely like adding to her collection. Unfortunately, our house can only hold a few toys at a time. Therefore, it is important for our family to know that books are appreciated MORE than toys! Plus, books are a little more economical!

9 - Incorporate E-Books for Your Little One
When we travel to a hotel or to Disney World, it is important to have books for my little one's nightly reading adventure. So, instead of packing eight (8) books, we subscribe to Amazon's Kindle Unlimited program and this helps us pack more efficiently, while incorporating learning-on-the-go! Here's our affiliate link for the children's books in the Amazon Kindle Unlimited store.

Please let us know if you have any questions about Amazon Kindle Unlimited. We love it!

10 - Make a Digital List of Your 1,000 Books Before Kindergarten by Creating an Amazon Wish List!
We love Amazon for purchasing items and I love it EVEN more when we can utilize it for a learning resource! We created an Amazon Wish List to scan the book barcodes and to capture our running total number of books. This is also a great way to gain suggestions for future books to order or to request from the library.

Take a look at our affiliate link "1,000 Books to Read Before Kindergarten" - http://amzn.to/2dFd6y8

This program is ah-mazing and it totally changed the way that we teach our child at home during our evening "learning at home" program. So, we've been frequenting our local library, the church library, my university's library, the local Goodwill stores, and garage sales to capture as many books as possible! We LOVE a great library...or two..or three. :)

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Review of the Bamboo Mart - Bamboo Cutting Board & Utensil Set

Our daily commute always ends with a mad dash inside of our kitchen to find ingredients to form our meal for the night. This is always a problem for our family and we are looking for ANYTHING that will make our weeknights easier!

This post contains affiliate links to help you build your shopping list and travel list for your family. We are passionate about the product and the experiences listed in this post, but we also wanted to provide easy links you can click to purchase products for your busy lifestyle.

The Bamboo Cutting Board from Bamboo Mart is a MUST HAVE for any working mother or father who has the daily task of preparing meals each night. This cutting board is great for any kitchen and it features a groove that catches any liquid from fresh fruits and serves as a quick way for your countertops to remain clean.

Make your weeknights easier by purchasing the Bamboo Mart - Bamboo Cutting Board & Utensil Set from Amazon! Here's the link - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01GGC00EG

We received this item to review from the company because we want to continue to help you build your shopping list and travel list for your family. We are passionate about the product and the experiences listed in this post, but we also wanted to provide easy links you can click to purchase products for your busy lifestyle.

Please let us know if you have any questions! Here's the hashtag to explore the product! #iBambooMart

Have a great week and plan for the weekend!

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